Love.

I'm confused about love.

I'm confused about my wants, needs, and desires.

I love Scott, so very VERY much, but sometimes I find it hard to just be nice to him. I haven't blown him since he's been home. When I think about it, I realize that it's work I'll have to do, and I decide I don't want to do it.

I know that's wrong, but it is what it is.

The sex... is sometimes amazing. Sometimes it's not so amazing, but I really can't complain too much there. It's mostly my fault that it isn't amazing.

I wonder how women enjoy sex SO much. I want to be that one. I want to be the woman who can't get enough. I want to be the woman who's pussy gets so invitingly wet that it's hard to even get the cock inside because it keeps slipping and sliding all over the place.

I want to gush when I orgasm and tremble and shake.

I want to cum from just penetration, which I have NEVER been able to do in my life.

I want to crave sex, and love every minute of it. I want to jump on my husband every time he walks around the corner and beg him for his cock like I used to.

I used to run to him, jump, and ride. I used to want to fuck until he literally couldn't do it anymore.

My heart used to skip a beat when he called, or every time I saw him.

I want that again. I crave it. It breaks my heart so much every time I see him and I just want to claw his eyes out.

What is wrong with me? Why do I feel this way?

Why do I hurt everything and everyone so dear and close to me?

The people I love I just can't love. I just CAN'T love.

When I love, I stop. I give up. I distance myself.

There is something stopping me. NO ONE has the answers. NO ONE can tell me WHAT is so wrong with me and WHY I do these things!

NO ONE!

It KILLS me that I can't figure it out for myself. But it kills me even MORE that when I have finally sought out help, NOBODY has the answer!

Where do I go? Who can help me love him like I used to? How do I fix this before I break it?

He loves me more than life itself. Maybe that's what it is. I don't know.

I love him. I really do. It's not that I don't love him, or that I don't want to be with him. It would be like this with anybody.

I don't want anybody else.

I just... want to know how to fix THIS.

Help me...