Icing on the peice of shit fuck your mother in the ass cake

Spanking is a drug to me. It gets me high, it makes me feel good, and without I would not be whole.

If enjoying having my ass beat on a regular basis (which my husband also enjoys) is going to ruin my marriage, something else was probably already going to.

Conflict is not all about passion, and passion is not all about conflict.

BUT HOW MANY WOMEN HAVE YOU SEEN HAVE A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAN WHO NEVER GETS MAD! NEVER!

How do you live with someone who NEVER gets mad.

HOW?!

You don't.

So.. take your over opinionated ass and get the fuck off of my blog. Everyone worships and loves you because you present this lady like submissive little girl act, and it's cute.. and admirable. But I believe I remember reading a post about people sticking their opinions up other people's rears and it BOTHERING you.

I'm figuring this out, and I'll figure it out on my own.. and with the help of my husband.

So if you don't have anything NICE to say, then don't say anything at all.

~~:Just a little edit:~~

I didn't mean that my relationship lacked that nagging, bratting, nails on a chalk board conflict. No. I meant Scott never showed any care in the world for anything. He'd shrug it off and say 'what the fuck ever, right?'

Conflict right now, to me, is him expressing to me his feelings in a way that is beautiful to me. He has never loved me during discipline like this, he has never talked to me this way, or touched me this way (NOT sexually).

Spanking really is similar to a drug to me.

But discipline.. I take discipline seriously.

Its VERY personal to me, which is why I don't blog about it.

I'm moving tonight. I'm ridiculously sad. I broke a heart in the midst of having mine broken. I slipped and fell in the rain, twice, wearing nothing but booty shorts and flip flops because everything else was packed while I was sleeping..

and I'm moving.

Away from life as I know it. Away from my love, my friends, my family, my everything.

I'm having a really really bad night, and I just want to curl up into a ball and die.

I'm scared, shitless.

Uh-Oh.

He bought me a 40 oz.
I think that means he wants to take the only virginity I have left. Yikes!

(Click the picture, this is my attempt at HNT)

I got to thinking..

They left... and I started thinking.

What exactly made me so mad? What bothered me to that extent, to send me to that point?

Why did I act that way?

The only thing I have to go on right now is.. selfishness. I had semi-plans in my head that didn't even get to become possible plans because they were stomped on all for a surprise for me.

Of course they did it out of kindness. Of course they were trying to please me.

WHY would it be any other reason?

What would make me react like that?

Selfishness.

Things didn't go the way I wanted, so I froze. I froze for an instant... but not to think. I froze to get mad.

I turned into that wife. The one that finds any and every reason to nag her husband.

The wife that finds the first little flaw in the moment of passion, just to say "It's ruined. I'm over it. Goodnight."
She then rolls over, pulling most of the blanket her way, and leaves her husband lying there with a raging boner.

I'm starting to become that wife.

I'm trying to sabotage my marriage for no apparent reason.

I find every little thing to stir up some kind of drama.

I could blame it on my age, and you know.. it's a damn good excuse.

But that's not the case.

No.. our relationship lacts lacked conflict. We rarely have fights, and when we do they are just too ridiculous to truly hold on to.

Conflict represents passion. Without conflict there is no passion.

If a couple never fights... then what do they have? They never move forward.

Conflict is essential to relationships. It is natural for two humans, who spend long periods of time together, to have conflict.

That's how we get to know each other.

The passion in someone, and the way they express it, tells you everything you need to know to make it work.

And without conflict, you can never truly know someone.

Our relationship lacked conflict...

And then he spanked me. He spanked me the other night, and it brought back something wonderful... Everything just felt... new.

But it slowly started fading.

Then he spanked me tonight... and I fell in love with him all over again.

Our relationship lacked conflict... until he spanked me.

Quite frankly;

I'd like Scott to come home and ravish me.

I'm fantasizing that he's completely fed up with me, but at the same time dying to be inside of me.

I wish he'd come home and force me to be bent over the bed... pull my pants to my ankles and spank me long and hard.

I want to feel the passion, the irritation, and the exhiliration come through his hand.

I want him to go until he thinks I've had enough..

and then.. well, fuck my brains out. Just take me.

When it hurts I want him to tell me to shut the fuck up.. I want him to tell me to push past the pain and take it.

Oh god..

HNT?

I think I should join in on this Half Naked Thursday thing.. it sounds pretty fun.

How do I Join? Is there a membership form or something?

Haha.

Stinky baby.

Walter has never officially played outside.. until today.

I took this opportunity to get a bunch of pictures of him moving and not looking at the camera like I was trying to get him to:

(He'll be 1 on Friday!)

We blog.

We blog because we have a story to tell.

A lot of people are out in the world depressed. A lot of people are wounded, and hurt. They stay that way with no ray of hope.

We are different.

We blog because we have a story.

We blog because we know the outcome will be bright, and beautiful.

We know it will be worth telling, and sharing.

We have a ray of hope.

Spanked.

I got spanked, and strapped. It hurt.. a lot.

I cried.. a lot.

I really didn't want it, at all, but it really helped me. I feel cleansed. We talked A LOT afterwards.

I've missed him. Things have changed.. and our communication has gone to shit. I'm really glad this happened tonight.. it really opened some doors that have recently been closed (my fault).

I think maybe we'll get back to the old us.

We were so perfect for a minute.

Shocker.

I don't want a spanking.

I can't cum.

The other night did something to me.

I spent the entire next day faded and sleeping. I barely remember the day.

I'm kinda sad. I feel lonely, and hollow.

I want to be alone.

4 A.M.

I was having a very open moment with Scott.
I have a very serious and very real discipline session coming up... tomorrow. I'm nervous, and I wanted to talk to him about it.
I just wanted him to talk to me about how he felt (again), and why he felt I needed the discipline. I wanted reassurance, without the distraction of being bent over with my pants around my ankles. I wanted to be able to answer questions without worrying whether or not the question would make it worse. I wanted to be able to talk freely, and openly, without the pressure and the anxiousness that comes with the scolding before a long, hard spanking.

This is the first REAL discipline spanking I'll be receiving from him in a long LONG time. There have been discipline spankings for minor things, and we even had an introductory type spanking when he first got back from basic... but, to me, this is different.

I don't know why it's different. It's just so.. real. He is really going to discipline me. It's not fun, there will be no boner poking my leg, I'm not going to whine all cute like and pretend his little swats hurt. No. It's going to be real, it's going to hurt, and it's going to make me cry.

I'm going to have to come face to face with the emotions I keep so deeply buried inside my soul. I'm going to have to feel, and I'm going to have to step up and be responsible and accept what I have coming. I have to realize and consider. I have to understand and appreciate. I have to respect and obey.

These are habits that become broken when he leaves for long OR short periods of time.

So.. I'm nervous.

He was tired.
I understood.
I really wanted to talk about it but.. he kept falling asleep. I will admit I was a little sad and hurt, because the openness (on my part) doesn't come that often. I just wanted to take the opportunity to just be raw, and I guess I kind of felt rejected.

I got over it.. he was exhausted... so I decided I would attempt sleep, too.

After some failed attempts at a before-bed-quickie... he starts snoring. I elbow him lightly a few times until he mumbles 'what?'

'Can you stop snoring, please?'

'SHUT THE FUCK UP' he yells.

'What?!'

'SHUT THE FUCK UP, BITCH,' he yells, again.

I didn't understand. I got upset and responded in a pretty snooty tone.

He grabbed me and pinned me on my side and started smacking my ass harder than he ever has.

That was the beginning of about a two hour thing. I cried, I kicked, I begged for him to stop. He was out of it.
I was scared. He was sleep-walking.. or whatever you call it (he wasn't technically walking, but.. I don't know what else to call it.) I was afraid to try and shake him awake.

He kept going in and out of sleep.. but waking up at random times doing the same thing.

Then he said 'we're going to continue this tomorrow.. understand me?'

I didn't say anything.

'I want an answer! I don't know how you guys do it here, but in Carson you treat me with respect as a fellow soldier...'

He made no sense, what-so-fucking-ever.

I was upset and crying, and after a few minutes he started rubbing my back.

He asked what was wrong and I told him everything that had just happened.

He didn't know what I was talking about..

I can't sleep.

I think I'm going to go to Anthony's... just to clear my head.

Homecummmmming

I was home alone and I heard the door bell ring. Since I was at the far end of the house, it took me a minute to get there. I was wondering who it could be, and then it rang again. And again. And again!

I looked out the window... I didn't see any cars I recognized. I looked to my right and there was a tall white man standing outside my door. It wasn't Patrick (my step brother), and it definitely wasn't Charley (my step dad). It wasn't my crazy uncle who thinks he's going to kill my mom.

No... it was Scott!

I couldn't believe it! He FINALLY got me! I opened the door really quick and told him he was an asshole.

He told me he wasn't going to be leaving until Sunday morning, and that he would be here Sunday night-ish.

I was wearing practically nothing. I had on a really ridiculously short strapless dress with no bra, no panties.. nothing. So I was basically wearing a piece of cloth... and his basic training graduation ring.

We hugged... we kissed.... then Walter came walking around the corner. Scott greeted him and they played for a while, but it was nap time.

We all know what happens when it's nap time.

He pushed me into the room and bent me over the bed. He smoothed my dress so that it was barely covering my ass, and then he smacked it. He smacked it again, and again... and again. Hard.

"Did you have fun being bad while I was gone?" He asked.

"Yes.." I replied.

Then another smack. He spanked me for a while.. and then my dress came up. He started busting out implements. I didn't even know what he was using.. they were just random and painful, but good.

Then he grabbed my little vibrating egg with the cord and the attachment.

He stuck it inside of me, followed by his cock. He turned the vibrations on really high and fucked the absolute shit out of me.

It was... amazing.

Of course there was LOTS more sex, more spanking.

And then.. we cried.

Last night while we were laying in bed together.. we started talking. We talked about him leaving to Afghanistan. I asked him if he honestly thought he would come back, he said yes. I asked him what his chances were, and he told me. The whole time he talked I cried... and he cried, too.

We sat there holding each other.. crying. I told him as much as it sucked, we needed to talk about what his wishes would be if he were to die over there.

He told me he'd want to be buried wherever I live... so that he could be close to me.

After I told him the things I would tell and show Walter, and promised him that he would not grow up knowing another man as daddy... we relaxed.

After the mood was settled back to normal, I started masturbating. It was an invite, but he obviously didn't get it... until I was done.

THEN he wanted to get in on the action. Well, sorry buddy, the action was long gone.

I told him the only way we could fuck is if he let me spank him.

And... HE DID. OH MY GOD.

It must be that day where pigs fly, because I spanked Scott. Haha.

He told me I was stupid. He said "You like that shit? You're fucking stupid. I don't know how you like that shit. What is wrong with you?"

All these antagonizing words while I was spanking him. It was great.

Haha.

Anyways.. that's all for now.

I think I'm going to go ride him in his sleep.