There's nothing to cushion my callused eyes

When I went to Georgia to visit Scott during his very first family day, my heart was racing. I was so nervous, excited, anxious, and everything in between. I remember our first moments alone.. kissing and touching in such an intimate way were so.. awkward. I felt lost, or unsure. Not of my love, or of him. Mostly of myself. My emotions were running wild and I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do or how to react. It had been months since I'd last been touched that way by someone, and the last person that HAD touched me like that was him. He was no longer the same person. It was a different him. I felt so.. insecure. I didn't know what he would enjoy or what he wouldn't. I had never really been the way I wanted to be, sexually, so I was unsure of myself and my urges, also. I didn't know what to do.

Point blank.

I remember growing balls and shoving him back as hard as I could. I remember taking him into my mouth and pleasing him that way. I remember afterwards doing everything I had ever wanted to do. I remember him glowing.

The first time we actually made love after we were reunited.. I remember having the same feelings. I was unsure of myself, again. There were so many things I wanted to do, or say, but I was afraid. I was afraid of a rejection that couldn't exist. I don't know where or why my mind comes up with these things, but I fear rejection from the one person in the world that would never reject my feelings.

I remember feeling an overwhelming gush of emotion. The fact that he was there with me, on top of me, in my arms, inside of me... it just hit me. It hit me so hard I grabbed the back of his head and pulled it to mine. I kissed him hard, and passionately.

I cried.

I cried silently. Tears rolled down my cheeks as our tongues swirled and our bodies became one. The happiness I was feeling was so overwhelming that I couldn't help but cry. I missed him so much and the fact that he was there, at that time, was so unreal. It was so hard to believe. I felt like I was living in a dream.

I have never cried during sex (save the times where it hurt).
It was the most beautiful experience I have ever really had.

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