Siiiigghhh

Christmas was great. My delicious plates were a hit, and (as far as I know) everyone loved them! It wasn't too exhausting, and I can't wait to do it again next year!

We are moving sometime in January. That's scary, AND exciting.

I took a pregnancy test and it was negative. I cried. I really want to be pregnant and I haven't had my period.. I know it's too soon to freak out but... not really.

I have PCOS and for my sister, that caused her infertility. I want a big family. I can be happy with just my son and I feel bad for even being sad that I'm not pregnant.. rather than just appreciating the wonderful things I have been blessed with, but I can't help it. I feel like I should be pregnant.

It's hard to explain.. but there is a baby that I need to make right now. I can just sense it, or feel it in my bones. Aside from 'baby fever', I just have this instinct to make another baby.

I want one. I want to be pregnant.

I'm ready.

I guess my body isn't.

:(

OH.. spanking.

On Christmas night after everyone was in bed, I got a real spanking. Scott promised it to me.. he said it was like an 'introductory' spanking.. since it has been so long and since we have both changed so much. Things will be different, I already know that. He is better at it, all of it, and it's more than just him learning now. Now it's just him perfecting.

It's kind of scary, but it's really comforting and nice. He spanked me with his hand really fast and hard, over my pants, for a while. Then my pants came down and he used his hand some more. Then he used a wooden spoon.. and then the paddle. (ick).

It lasted like 30 minutes, and I'm still a tad bit sore. It was really REALLY nice though.

I missed him. I missed him and his sloppy spankings. No one could replace him. I love him so much.

Ahhh..

enough cheese..

Merry Christmas and Happy almost New Year!