Parents as Teachers is this program where a trained educator comes to your house and goes over the things your child should be doing, activity wise. She gives you new things to do together and tells you how wonderful you're doing at this whole mom thing.

It's amazing. And it's FREE!




I feel so blessed.. I know a lot of people didn't have this sort of thing when their kids were little.







It's just great. She came over today for an hour, played with Walter and we talked about different things and she answered questions I had.

It was exciting.

She's also the first new person to come into my house.. almost since we've moved here! The company was amazing.

I never realized how lonely I am.







(Picture dump)

There's a new channel on the music channels called 'Toddler Tunes'.

And being the wonderful mother that I am..

we listen to it.

A lot.

My brain is rotting.

If I hear the Hokey Pokey (in any of its various forms) one more time, I might just keel over and die.

I'd change the station, but it's just so cute how Walter wobbles back and forth with a cheesy grin on his face.. in his strange attempt at dancing.

Awww.

Speaking of Walter.. here's some pictures I've taken of him in the past few days:

I don't know what to write about! I've been drawing blanks for days.

I got sick for the first time a few nights ago (Scott over seasoned dinner and it all came right back up, haha.), but ever since then I've been okay.

I woke up at 2 a.m. last night with a horrible burning sensation in my chest and stomach, like indigestion or heart burn or something. I don't know. It was the worst feeling ever and even though it's subsided I still feel really icky in there.

But I guess it's better than having tons of morning sickness.

That's all, really. I don't know what else to write about. Nothing is happening around here, and everything is just the same.

So..

Ta-ta for now, I guess.

<3

Tonight.

I haven't really considered the fact that Scott is most likely going to Afghanistan in less than a month. Maybe a little more than a month, it's not set in stone yet.

Today there was this weird helicopter thing flying over me. It looked like a big metal box, indestructible, and it had two of those propeller things on top instead of just one. It flew slowly, but it was ridiculously loud. It made my heart sink into my stomach.

I was wondering if there were men on the plane, or just cargo. I was thinking about all of the wives who's husbands could be on it.. and then I realized that one day that wife would be me. One day soon.

I'm so scared, and nervous. I can't even come to terms with it and act like every moment with him could be the last, even though I should.

It's so hard to cope with, and comprehend. Millions of people do it everyday, and I know I can, too.

However, it's figuring out just how to do it that I'm worried about.

Today is the two year anniversary of the day Scott broke my heart.

It's a long story but it involves him having another girlfriend and me finding out two years ago today.

We celebrate our anniversary tomorrow, even though we actually started seeing (screwing) each other in March. We do this because I couldn't consider our relationship true or real if he was dating me while he had another girlfriend.

Like I said, it's a long story.. but he left his girlfriend of four years and vowed to stalk me for the rest of my life until I shared the rest of my life and love with him.

So.. here we are today.. with a Walter, a 1 year marriage anniversary coming up, another little brat on the way, and our two year togetherness anniversary tomorrow!

Whew, so many things.

Today also marks ten years since the Columbine High School shooting.

The flag in my heart is held at half-staff today for all of those who were involved in this tragedy.

There was some spanking going on in our bedroom late last night, and it was loud.. and I was sort of loud in reaction to it.

About five-ten minutes after it was finished we heard sirens.. they got so close the flashing lights were reflecting off of our bedroom wall!

I casually mentioned to Scott that perhaps the spanking was a bit too loud?

He brushed it off. Why would they send an ambulance along with the cop car? (he said).

So.. I brushed it off, too.

Next thing you know.. he's jumping out of bed.."now you've got me worried," as he ran all over the house looking through the windows.

Nothing.

THANK GOD.

What do you DO if they come to your door in the middle of the night..... *Knock* *Knock* *Knock* "Uhh.. someone called in a complaint claiming that there is a domestic disturbance in this home..... where is your wife?"

"She's laying in bed, naked, with a sore bottom."

What?!

Asian beavers?

Really?

I'm looking at the search history in the google toolbar drop down menu.. and it says 'asian beavers', 'asianxxx', 'latinxxx', 'teenxxx', and 'border bangers'.

WHAT?!

Either he's a pro at finding this stuff, or he's trying waaayyy too hard?

(I'm gonna go with the first one.)

Hahahahahahahaha.

Well then..

The video is bad quality, but you get the gist..

I'm feeling better today. I kind of woke up on the wrong side of the bed when Scott nudged the crap out of me to ask me to get up with Walter. I guess it kind of rubbed me the wrong way because, well, I can't remember a time when he actually got up with Walter.. without me asking him.

I can't really remember a time that he did hardly ANYTHING for me (in that helpful sense) without me asking. Hell, it usually takes a lot more than asking. I end up having to nag him and then FINALLY (sometimes) he'll do it.

I don't know. I guess I'm just sort of burned out. He's off of work like every other day. He was off on Thursday and Friday and I just don't feel as inclined to do things for him since he's not really working.

I guess I wouldn't mind doing things for him if he would just show me that he knows he has two legs that work. I wouldn't mind it if he would just get off of his ass ONCE in a while to get his own damn drink, or to make his own damn sandwich. It's like the moment I sit down after doing something for him, he needs something else.

What do I get?

Nothing. It's my job, and it's all my duty.. but, damn it to hell if it wouldn't just be AMAZING to wake up LATE one day and realize that he got Walter before I even realized Walter was awake!

Just once!

Nag, nag, nag... bitch, bitch, bitch.

I know that this is not what I wanted the nature of my blog to be, but lately this is all I have on my mind.. and it feels way good to just.. get it off of my chest.

I'm just losing the want to be this great wife, because I guess I just feel like my personal needs aren't being met.

It's just a cycle.. and I think a lot of people go through it (I hope I'm not alone in this).. and hopefully It'll pass soon.

Thanks for reading.

I'm okay, really. I'm just.. blah. This baby is really sucking the life out of me and it takes a lot just to get out of bed in the morning. There are two ways to look at everything, and lately I've been a real negative Nancy. I'm just sad and bored and lonely and can't find the motivation to do anything. I want my house to be clean, and it is slowly SLOWLY getting there.. but I feel like there should be more, like I should do more. Scott is on and off work, so a lot of days he's home (because he messed up his shoulder), and I've been practically begging him for two weeks to just help me get back into the groove. I need him to do this with me because I need to see it done, and I need to participate. I just need to get back into my old routine and I need to get on a schedule.

I can't do this, though, if he is just going to plant his ass in front of the T.V. I am just as distracted as he is, and he is just as lazy as I am.

We are the worst couple ever. We don't compliment each other at all, especially in this area.

I'm just screwed, and so are my children.

I'm feeling really crabby today and just totally burnt out on life, and motherhood. I have all of these ridiculous fears that my child is going to come out all messed up because I'm a big blob of disgusting and super overweight. I didn't even REALIZE how huge I was until they weighed me.

And now I basically hate myself. I can't starve myself because I have to consider the baby. I can't diet like I used to because, well, again with the baby.

I can't do ANYTHING. NOTHING.

And I just hate it.

I absolutely hate everything about this situation.

And there's nothing I can do to change it.

I had a WIC appointment today. We meet the criteria and then some, and Walter drinks A LOT of milk.. so we thought, 'what the hell?'

Holy crap was it stressful! It started off fine. I made Scott his lunch and planned to take it to him on my way off of post to our (mine and Walter's) appointment. I put my face on. I map quested directions. Begin the stress. I don't recognize any of the names of any of these streets so I'm freaking out. Nothing makes sense. I call Scott.

He starts stressing. I'm getting mad because he's SO stressed about everything. Which just doubles the stress levels.

Now it's noon and I'm going nuts. I wanted to be out of the house by noon! So I rush to get Walter up and dressed and such.

Then we FINALLY get going. It takes me A MILLION years to get to Scott. Then I end up making a wrong turn and ending up in a one way parking lot on a one way street going the opposite direction of where I need to be heading.

Scott meets me there and we switch, he drives.

On the drive we get lost a little. So I'm freaking out. It's 12:51 and my appointment is at 1. This supposed 7 minute drive takes us 20 minutes or more.

We FINALLY get there.. at 12:56. JUST IN TIME.

UGH.

I am SO glad it's over.

I don't really have much to say here. The pregnancy is going slow and I hardly think about it because.. well.. nothing is really happening! I'm not uber sick, or uber tired anymore.. I'm just kind of relaxing. I remember to eat well, and smoke less (hopefully not at all), and all that junk. I've been feeling rather lazy lately. The dishes get done, and baths are given.. important things. However clutter is piling up and a mess is accumulating more and more each day. Laundry needs to be done, and the living room needs to be burned to the ground..

I can't find the motivation. I wish I could blame that on being pregnant, but I really don't think a doctor would back me up.

=/

Sooooooo nauseous.

And Walter STINKS.

Hopefully I can get him potty trained so I can do cloth diapers with this baby like I did with Walter for the first few months.

It was a great thing, but demanding.. and with two stinky butts to wipe..

I don't know! Haha.

<3

The 'class' wasn't really a class at all! It was a one on one with a woman who basically just explained to me all of the wonderful benefits I can take advantage of during my pregnancy!

I LOVE this place. The hospital is amazing, and labor and delivery is even better! And post partum.... don't even get me started!

I never imagined being able to deliver my child in such a beautiful place.

I'm so excited.

In order for me to see an OB/GYN, I first have to take a 'new pregnancy class'.

That's today. I'm a little bit irritated at the whole 'have to' thing, but I'm excited.. because I love learning new things (I don't know what there is that they could tell me that I don't already know), and I especially LOVE pregnancy and birth classes. I love them.

You get tons of free things, maybe I'll actually make a friend.

Who knows.

But I'm pretty excited. I'm starting to get the hang of this whole army wife and living on post thing. At first I was really pissed off by all the 'have to's, but now I guess I'm starting to find an appreciation for them.

It's all for our own good.

It takes me hours (literally) to fall asleep.

I can't eat, as I have absolutely no appetite and everytime I put something to my mouth I feel like I'm going to die.

Whhhhhaaaaaaaaaaat do I dooooooo?!!!!

I haven't been vomiting or anything. Yesterday I was super nauseous.

I took another pregnancy test at Wal-Mart yesterday, just for double confirmation.. and it's DEFINITELY positive. No if's, and's or but's about it!

I'm excited.. but.. nervous.

I can't wait for Anthony to get here.

She's SIX!

Here's proof

That Simon Cowell really does have a heart:




(I really do love American Idol. We (Scott and I. And no, I don't force him!) watch it religiously!)

Oh, and the little girl is adorable, too!

I feel like I'm dying. Literally. It feels like someone put a really really large brick on my body.

NOW I remember why I couldn't wait for Walter to be born.

Hahahaha.

I've been found out.

I am not at all original! At all!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Krrht6wMJp8

Seriously.

Two men have been living together for a while. They have a great relationship. All of a sudden, one day, one man left the other.. for the other's best friend (and neighbor!).

The other tries to get over it. He goes through different companions, and then goes through that 'I don't need anybody' phase. After a while, the best friend and man come over to go through a weekly ritual.. acting as though nothing ever happened.

The other freaks out and starts begging the man to come back to him. He tells him everything will change, and be different. He makes all kinds of promises, but the man looks at him as if he's not making any sense.

As the day moves forward, the man decides he wants the other back, too. He confesses to the other that the only thing he wanted from the neighbor... was the cookie in his pocket.

Grow up! Yes!

I have my ups.

I have my downs.

But..

Adults who have no appreciation or respect for the value of the human life royally disgust the living hell out of me.

Our Trip Part 2.

Antle.

Vegas. Hah.

The horse at Bonnie Springs. If you're ever in Southern Nevada, check it out.

That's my dad.

As you can see.. the sun is about to be down. He's pouting because we're like thirty miles from the grand canyon, and he's realizing we're not going to make it. Haha. So sad.

The end.

Our Trip.

Those cookies were DELICIOUS!

The death. Pine Junction area-ish. This is the result of one of the few forest fires Colorado went through. =(