We talked, as usual, and things are fine. I guess we are just sort of newly weds that have to go through the motions of getting to know each other and getting passed the dumb shit.

He has a physical therapy appointment tomorrow that will help determine whether he'll deploy this month or not.

But now there are other things that may or may not determine his deployment. They think he may have two detached retinas, and he also has a large bump on his head that is continuing to grow and cause him constant headaches. He got a CT scan the other night, but we probably won't get the results until early next week.

We sort of discussed (more like I talked and his sort of listened and then disagreed) the domestic discipline aspect of our relationship, and whether or not it's working for us. I know it is, but at the same time the whole learning thing and getting used to it and everything sure is taking a long time. It just seems like more work than he is willing to do, and it's a total let down for me.

I know I'm a brat sometimes (most of the time), and I don't always make it easy.. but I really do try. I started seeing a psychologist and have really been focused on my temper and wayward ways.

That aspect of our relationship is really, really good and it helps a lot, and it totally works... when it's consistent. But that's the problem...

It's not always consistent. It goes good and stays strong for a week, my behavior changes and I'm a perfect angel.. and then he lets everything slide and kind of just.. forgets the commitment we both made to it. It's sort of disappointing I guess, and sometimes I feel let down.

I don't know how to say this to him at the time, because I am SO grateful to not have to be disciplined.. but way in the back of my mind I'm really sad about it.

I guess my inner child doesn't comprehend all of it and takes it as not being loved, or something.

I'm not sure. We talked about it though, and he said that he's going to change. He said he's going to give it the time, effort, and work that it deserves.

So.. we'll see.

I hope so..

... sort of.

No comments:

Post a Comment