I feel like we've lost that closeness we've had for the past week or so, again. It seems to just come and go. I want to blame it all on me, as usual, but I can't help but wonder if I'm all the way to blame.

I've had a day or two where I've been grumpy, but the rest of the time I've been super loving. I gave him foot massages and made his favorite food ever for dinner, and just nice things like that. I've been going out of my way to make him feel special, and the more I do that.. the more grumpy and mean he gets. I feel like the only time he's happy is when I'm trampling over him, and then he gets sick of it and decides I suck, and that it's okay to be loose with his mouth. He laughs at me when I say 'I worked today!'. Like my job doesn't count because he's a soldier and I work a part time fast food job.

Every time I try to talk to him about this stuff it always ends up that I'M the crazy one and that I don't know what I'm talking about. If I FINALLY get him to actual listen to what I'm saying and take consideration of it, then it's just 'I'm sorry.' He doesn't really care, he doesn't really regard it, and he doesn't try to change it.

It's always just all my fault. I've taken the blame for a lot of our relationship issues that we've ever had, and I think maybe he's just a little too used to being able to make ME feel like the bad guy.

If I ever eventually embed it into his mind that it's not JUST me, he turns into this sad little puppy and just constantly talks about what a horrible father he is and what a crappy husband he is. He just says 'I'm sorry I'm such a piece of shit. I'll be better.'

And then the next day it's the same shit ALL over again. I'm just SO sick of it and have no idea what to do! The last time he made a complaint about how rude or mean I had been I fought it a little, because I was going out of my way to be nice that time.. but I sincerely considered it and decided that he IS the HOH and if he felt that that's how I had been acting, then I probably had been.

I apologized and immediately changed. I just.. I just don't know what to do. He doesn't ever want to talk about his feelings, and the moment he opens up it turns out that I'm the cause of everything and that I just don't do anything right.

Well, I've been trying.

What could his excuse be now?